I oscillate between being creative and not quite often. There are times when I am not feeling the creative juices flowing in abundance and I want to drink from the hyper-analytical well. On the other side of that are the times when I just want to not think and just let the energy of the world flow through my body to produce sounds that have no words, but can drive emotions and flush out feelings.
This is my relationship with my mind. There is a constant battle for control. It’s like dynasties of the past that will fight for dominance only to be overthrown by the next hungry family, or family member. Oddly enough it is super similar to that actually.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this tugging at my soul for being the weird artsy loner. It’s really hard for people to believe most days that I do in fact feel more comfortable alone than in large social settings. On the inside I am the soft spoken poet that likes to sit by streams, sitting with my legs crossed like a Buddha statue, and writing random haikus and tapping into the essence of the universe.
Then there is the me on the outside that smiles.
No matter how far I stray away from this inner me, I always find my way back to this core. The crazy thing is I am shocked by the products created in this space. Most of the time it feels mindless and I will usually think nothing of it, and file it away as just a mode of expression.
A few weeks later, I could revisit something created in this expression dump, and be blown away. Did I write this? Is that me playing those notes? Where did these lyrics come from?
HAHAHA! If there was a camera set up in my house, you’d hear me say “Damn! I wrote that?!”…
The Knight’s battle
I feel like there are literally two parts of me that don’t speak to each other often, but when they do it’s magical. That is the only explanation that I can think of that would allow for part of me to tune out of reality while tapping into another realm.
Each part is shrouded with armor to protect itself from taking on too much damage, but probably more importantly to prevent uncovering their true identity.
If they knew who each other were, they’d find out that they were parts of the same family and caught in the middle of an internal power struggle.
Finding my way through the thickets
First of all, do people use the word thicket anymore? Honestly, in today’s world I am not sure that many of them exist anymore, so that would explain the extinction of the term…
I said all of the above, just to say that currently I feel as though I am finding a balance, understanding and compassion for the value of both sides of the power struggle. Rising to the top of the platform where you can see all of the kingdoms, allows for you to put into perspective what everyone is bringing to the table.
Thank you for reading.